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“The Bachelorette” Hannah Brown made a shocking final decision.
USA TODAY

After a whirwind year, Hannah Brown is finally getting some time to reflect on how “The Bachelorette” has changed her life.

The 24-year-old former Miss Alabama opened up Monday night in an Instagram post about the less-than-glamorous aspects going on in her life behind-the scenes. 

“Honest policy: I’m struggling. Life is so different,” she captioned a photo of herself. “Since last August, I’ve been a pageant queen, a bachelor contestant, and the Bachelorette. I’ve been in love with multiple people, I got engaged, I broke off an engagement, and I shared it all with millions of people.”

A quick recap: Bachelor Nation first met Brown as a contestant on Colton Underwood’s season of “The Bachelor” this year, where she was largely framed as an awkward villain. As the star of “The Bachelorette,” she was scrutinized for keeping around her own season’s villain, Luke Parker, who she finally sent home (to fans’ relief) after he made eyebrow-raising comments about her sex life. 

And before the finale aired, allegations arose that the eventual “winner,” Jed Wyatt, had a girlfriend back home he had planned to continue dating post-show. So though Brown initially accepted his proposal, she walked away from the final episode single again. 

“My faith has been questioned by thousands who don’t know my heart, and my transparency with my decisions has labeled me promiscuous,” she continued in the post. “Simultaneously, I’ve become a role model for young women and started bigger conversations around faith, and sex.”

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Honest policy: I’m struggling. Life is so different. Since last August, I’ve been a pageant queen, a bachelor contestant, and the Bachelorette. I’ve been in love with multiple people, I got engaged, I broke off an engagement, and I shared it all with millions of people. My faith has been questioned by thousands who don’t know my heart, and my transparency with my decisions has labeled me promiscuous. Simultaneously, I’ve become a role model for young women and started bigger conversations around faith, and sex. // I’m living on my own for the first time and shuffling through this life of next steps with press, media, and opportunities galore. I miss my friends and family that have watched my life explode. I feel guilty because I don’t have the time or emotional capacity to fill each of them in on my life right now. I can’t keep up with the people that matter most, because I can barely keep up with my own life right now. // I am not complaining about this past year of adventures. The woman who has emerged would shock the mirror-image young girl from a year ago. I have so many blessings to be thankful for. However it’s uncharted territory for me, and it’s been hard to really process what the heck is going on. // Maybe I needed write this out to remind myself I’m human and it’s okay to be overwhelmed. And maybe, I just needed to remind you guys too. Life is beautiful, but wild. I think it’s okay to be strong-to know you’re strong-but to still feel weak simultaneously. I believe that’s when the magic happens. My spirit has opportunity to grow and blossom from this place. Healing and restoration can happen. I can rest knowing that My Savior has compassion and wants to help and love me through this journey. I’ve just got to let Him. I don’t know if I have been lately— but I am now because honestly, I think I would give out if I didn’t. So yeah, I’m not going to struggle to disguise my weakness— I’m just gonna give over the keys to my main man Jesus and let him bless me through this ride. Isaiah 54:10

A post shared by Hannah Brown (@hannahbrown) on

Now living on her own “for the first time,” Brown said she’s trying to figure out how to navigate her newfound media attention and what future opportunities in the spotlight might mean for her personal relationships.

“I miss my friends and family that have watched my life explode,” she added. “I feel guilty because I don’t have the time or emotional capacity to fill each of them in on my life right now. I can’t keep up with the people that matter most, because I can barely keep up with my own life right now.”

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Brown made it clear she isn’t “complaining about this past year of adventures” — rather, she’s still figuring out how to “process what the heck is going on” after a year of very abnormal experiences. 

“Maybe I needed write this out to remind myself I’m human and it’s okay to be overwhelmed,”she wrote. “And maybe, I just needed to remind you guys too. Life is beautiful, but wild. I think it’s okay to be strong-to know you’re strong-but to still feel weak simultaneously. I believe that’s when the magic happens.”

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